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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Regret

The kindest hands
may hold a heart
Unknowingly
May shipwreck it
on cliffs of honesty
Innocently
And stare in pained wonder
knowing that regret
has never rewound time.



Sunday, March 23, 2008

quote of the day

It is very easy in the world to live by the opinion of the world.

It is very easy in solitude to be self-centered. But the finished

man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect

sweetness the independence of solitude.

– Ralph W. Emerson



Monday, March 03, 2008

for the one


I smiled at nearly a thousand strangers today (about one in 10 smile back,) drew a heart for a little girl and helped her find her mom, handled about a pound of dirt (not including the stuff
in the bag,) washed my hands 17 times, tried on 8 pairs of black heels...
I know I am lucky. The more I listen, the better I understand how lucky I am, my boyfriend isn't cheating on me, I don't have a child missing or in the hospital, someone didn't wreck my car while it was parked out front, I had lunch today, I didn't fall off my grandmother's roof helping her patch it, I have 18 dollars in my wallet.
I am known for my "innocence" (by which many people mean ignorance) and for my smile.
Sometimes I smile because I am happy, or because something humored me, but mostly I smile because life is HARD, sucky things happen, and whatever I can do to facilitate a breather, to restore something of just one person's belief, and joy in life, is well worth the effort of a thousand smiles, 700 hellos, and 400+ random conversations.
She isn't smiling because she is too dumb to frown.
She isn't smiling because she has a crush on you.
It's not a marketing scheme...
Smile back. At least half the time. Smile like you mean it, and you will.

 


Friday, February 15, 2008

A Strange Holiday

I was carrying my lucky coin today, but apparently not even that was enough to fend off the ill-luck of a Valentines Day without a sweetheart. I had the day off (which is normally a nice thing) so I rolled out of bed at a late 8:30, had some trouble figuring out what to wear since I didn’t want red or pink, wore blue yesterday, and green seemed too cynical; after all, the sun was shining, why couldn’t it be a wonderful day? Got myself ready, and a to-do list prioritized (quite a few items on it, but nothing dreadful) and found I’d lost my wallet. (Yes, I found I had lost my wallet, I can say that: I discovered a loss. Funny language, ours.) I looked high and low, through six purses and three coats, reviewed the events of the last evening, turned my car inside out (yeah, I really did, you should see the poor thing!) and was about to call my credit card company to report the loss, when I found it wedged between the passenger seat and car door. (The wallet that is, not the company.)

Relieved, I was ready to hit Reasors, where I found out you now get to upload, choose and print your own pictures from a machine. For a quarter a picture. I only wanted one, so I gave the dude two dimes and a nickel, thanked him, and went on my way. Tag agency was next, where I would get the title for my new car switched from the previous owner’s name to my own. All my paperwork was in my bag, and I found the place with almost (note the almost) no incident.

Do you have the registration paper?

I believe I handed that to you with the form.

Oh, yeah.

Why didn’t you put your address on here?

Sorry,  I must have missed that line, here is my license with my current address.

Uh, you get to fill that out, find your own pen.

What is your relation to the seller?

We are siblings.

What?

Siblings, brother and sister.

Oh. And he gave you the car?

No, I paid him for it, the purchase amount is listed on that paper.

Oh. Okay.

Are we good?

That will be $54 and a few minutes.

Yes? For.... two minutes of your time? Pink receipt paper?

If you use a credit card it will be an additional four dollars.

Rright.

Sign. Sit.

I slouched in an old, wooden chair, hugged my wallet to myself and desperately tried not to cry over the eight hours of pay, 20 coffees, 1/5 a college class, or 3 weeks of gas that just went up in smoke.

Catherine?

That’s me!

Here you are, good bye.

Thhanks. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Now to my community college, where I worked on an assignment due tonight while I chatted with the networking guy that, sorry, but, needed to work in the precise area I had chosen.

Off to shop at Drysdales, where I run into a coworker who saw me drive by and decided to follow me, and ask to shop with me, and where I was going after...

Despite that slightly disconcerting experience, my shopping was successful. I bought one item originally fifty bucks for eight. Yup, a sterling silver ring with a cross on it, my Mother’s gift to me for the anniversary of the day I gave my life to Christ. (The best thing I ever did.)

Now that coffee was seriously overdue! Not a block from the coffee shop, I was all but stopped at a red light, texting a friend, and wham! I rear-ended some nice lady’s car. No blood, no smoke, so we wait 30 minutes for a cop.

Hello, big brown eyes. (He really called me that)

License and registration. What happened?

Alrighty, let’s get ya’ll on your ways. Here’s you a pretty little $120 ticket, and you have a nice day.

Thhank you, sir, happy Valentine’s Day.

At the coffee shop, I cried on my best friend’s shoulder, (who also happens to be the barrista) and juggled a cup of ice water and a iced heath-mocha cappuccino she made for me.

Ahh, breathe. I felt grateful again.

A stop at home, last minute touches to that assignment, and back to school again. Where I was very lucky to find someone to hand the assignment to, (she even said it looked good.) I then passed someone twice in the hall who seemed very familiar, and was looking back and about to say something when his professor herded him into a classroom.

The sunset was absolutely stunning as I left school. It would be great to get up someplace to watch it before it’s over... I stop at a different coffee shop where I plan to spend an hour of my evening addressing a girlfriend’s wedding invitations. Tall buildings all have fire escape/ roof access ladders somewhere on them, right? Well, not these. I ordered an Americano in a green mug and settled in to write Mr. and Mrs. thirty times and overhear a couple of confused and disheartening conversations that definitely didn’t belong to a Valentine’s date.

Now for what this day was made for! I am going to a dance! Nothing formal, but I’m excited. I left in good time, but was practically stopped in traffic on the highway for 15 minutes, no big deal, I would be fashionably late, right? I pulled into the parking lot and got out of my car before I decide to call the friend I was going to meet, and see if she was there yet.

Oh, You didn’t hear?? Beth is really sick, it was canceled. I’m so sorry! Are you there?

You know what, today didn’t owe me a thing, and in spite of everything, it was a good one. I wound up in a bookstore, paging through Architectural Digest and eating an ice-cream sunday. What’s not to love? Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank heaven it comes but once a year!




Post Script: That thump, thump, thump that I heard outside last night around midnight as I was writting, was someone egging my car.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A List for Today

A dumb song named after me: http://www.poemhunter.com/song/catherine/

A good quote on boys: "I will never again travel without a man, even if I have to hire one from the Feeble-Minded Asylum. We work like galley slaves... finding out about trains and things. Neither of us can understand Bradshaw, and I can't even grapple with the lesser intricacies of the A B C railway guide. The trains, so far as I can see, always arrive before they go out, and I can never tell whether to read up the page or down. It is certainly very queer that the stupidest man that breaths, one that barely escapes idiocy, can disentangle a railway guide, when the brightest woman fails... It is very humiliating. All the time I have left from the study of routes and hotels I spend on guide-books. Now, I am sure if any one of the men I know where here, he could tell me all that is necessary as we walk along the streets. I don't say it in a frivolous or sentimental spirit in the least, but I do affirm that there is hardly any juncture in life where one isn't better off for having a man about. I should never divulge this to aunt Celia, for she doesn't think men very nice. She excludes them from conversation as if they were indelicate subjects..."

A festive recipe: Holiday Snickerdoodles

A Latin phrase: Ipsissima verba

The Shakespearian insult of the day: “If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.”

And, a good old reminder:  Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men...It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. from Col 3:23-24




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